Here’s one you won’t read about in the penny pinching tips column in USA Today. Why spring for expensive dog food when you already have a completely organic, nutritional food source that is completely free? Suzanna Morgan for pickmeupmagazine.com explains:
What’s that in my water bowl??
“It was sod’s law. I’d just got my daughter, Tasha, off to sleep, now, my dog, Dixie, was barking like mad to be fed. I opened the kitchen cupboard, only to see there wasn’t a single tin of dog food left. I felt like crying. Worst of all, I knew Dixie wouldn’t shut up until she’d filled her stomach.
‘We must have something,’ I said, as I peered inside the fridge.
Then I spotted the bottles of breast milk I’d expressed earlier that day.
Admittedly, Tasha, 17 months, was quite old to still be breastfeeding, but I loved the bond it gave us, so I’d decided to carry on. It was free, too, which was good, because since I’d split up with her dad, Ted Collins, 35, when she was 3 months old, money was tight.
I’d always produced more milk than Tasha could drink, so I’d got into the habit of keeping some in the fridge for when I left her with a babysitter.
I stared at the milk and then back at Dixie. I couldn’t, could I?
But her barking deafened me.
‘What’s the worst that can happen?’ I said, grabbing one of the bottles and pouring it in her bowl.
Dixie sniffed her bowl, and in no time at all, she’d lapped it up. I started to wonder.
I give Suzanna points for thinking outside the box and feeding her dog the excess breastmilk that she already had stashed in the fridge. Dog was hungry, stores were closed, ’nuff said. But ol’ girl should have stopped right there.
“Was I the only one who fed breast milk to a dog? I got on the internet, and within minutes I’d found no end of women who’d breastfed dogs, cats, even pigs. A lot of them didn’t just pour the milk into their pet’s bowls, they let them suckle at their breasts, too.
‘Oh my God,’ I gasped, as I looked at a photo of a woman with a cat suckling on her boob.
Surely that was unhygienic? Not to mention painful?
But the more I read, the more normal it seemed.
It’s almost as rewarding as feeding a baby, one woman had written.
SUZANNA DON’T GO THERE. SERIOUSLY. PLEASE. I’M BEGGING YOU.
That night, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Clearly, Dixie liked my milk.
So a few nights later, after I’d fed Tasha, Dixie jumped on the settee and I held my left
boob towards her. I squeezed out some milk, and wiped it around my nipple.
Within seconds, her long, pink tongue was gently licking my skin.
It tickled at first, but then, as she started suckling away, it didn’t feel much different to having Tasha there.
‘You liked that, didn’t you girl?’ I said, as she gently pawed my chest.
Despite having a mouthful of sharp teeth, she didn’t bite me and 10 minutes later, I gently pulled her off.
So wrong on so many levels. Suzanna’s narrative style is COMPLETELY ripped off from the amateur porn stories that are legion out there… er so my friends tell me. “That night, I couldn’t stop thinking about it…Within seconds, her long, pink tongue was gently licking my skin… ‘You liked that, didn’t you girl?’ I said, as she gently pawed my chest.” I’m not sure who needs to see a therapist more: Suzanna, the dog, or me after reading this. Let’s get through the rest:
Breastfeeding a puppy…could you ever do it?
I was itching to tell someone about it.
But how? My mum, Jane, 62, and my mates would think I’d gone mad. So I kept it to myself.
But to be on the safe side, I rang the doctor and told him. He went quiet.
‘I-I suppose there isn’t a risk if they’re both healthy…’ he stammered.
That put my mind at rest. That lunchtime, I let Tasha feed from my left breast, then Dixie from my right. I disinfected myself afterwards. I didn’t expect everyone to be quite so open-minded, though.
So I didn’t tell my boyfriend of one month, Paul Murphy, 33.
On 15 October, I missed my period and was thrilled to find out I was pregnant.
Sadly, things didn’t work out with me and Paul, so after four months together, we split.
Two months on, Tasha isn’t feeding any more, so it’s a relief to have Dixie sucking some of the milk out of my swollen boobs.
I still feed her twice a day for 20 minutes a time.
My baby’s due in June and I’ll stop breastfeeding Dixie when I’m three months pregnant. Then I’ll express milk for her and start breastfeeding her again once the baby reaches 4 months. Yes, it’s weird. But it works for us.
Dixie, Tasha and I are happy, so you can think what you like, but I reckon you shouldn’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it!”
I’ll leave alone the fact that she was a single mom by one boyfriend and then pregnant by another after a month of dating. Hell we’ve all made bad choices and had to live with the consequences. Some people just aren’t equipped to make the best decisions for themselves. But Suzanne truly went wrong when she decided to alternate her puppy and her kid on her breast.
It’s been documented that people in other times and places have breastfed domestic animals. Below is an account of a woman in India who breastfed an orphaned fawn in order to save its life. So this ain’t nothing relatively new to the world…still in America we look at this a little sideways, don’t we?
I don’t know about this one, reader! If your dog was hungry, the stores were closed and you’re short on cash… would you let ol’ Fido sneak a suck?