Hot Mess Hall of Fame: The Automobile Edition

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Introducing the inaugural edition of SoJones’ Hot Mess Hall of Fame. We’ve scoured the planet far and wide to bring you the best of the worst examples of our fellow human beings’ attempts to upgrade either themselves or their material possessions… but instead resulting in a wholehearted, monumental FAIL.

This week’s edition is devoted to the automobile. More specifically, the hooptie. As defined by urbandictionary.com:

Hooptie (noun) hüp-ˈtē. Any car that meets the following: a) driver must enter car through passenger side b) three different brand and size tires – 3 of them missing hubcap c) exhaust is held up by half a clothes hanger – other half replaces the antenna d) backfires every three blocks – loudest backfire being when car is turned off e) must open door at drive-thrus as windows don’t roll down f) you only get one AM station and the tape deck eats all tapes inserted g)h) can’t open the glove box as the whole thing will fall out if you let go of steering wheel while driving you’ll make a u-turn i) must manually move blinker lever up and down as it no longer blinks on its own j) must keep one foot on brake and one on accelerator when at a complete stop k) has had the same temporary registration sticker in the window for the last 18 months l) has all the above issues but still has a $200 professional tint job

Sub-category: Custom Paint Jobs

These guys took the drive-thru a little too literally.

mcdonalds_ghetto_car

Cool Whip. Get it?

Ghetto cool whip car

Another reason not to drink and drive… the bouncing will spill your beer.

budweiser

This is what you do with your tax refund check? Seriously, a disgrace.

newport_ghetto_car_0_0_0x0_500x200

Ladies don’t feel left out, we got a Hello Kitty-mobile just for you. Imagine living across the street from the owner of this hot pink mess.

hellokitty

Hillbillies know how to represent in the hooptie category.

jackdanielscar

This is what happens when you let your cousin’s friend “who is sort of an artist and needs a fresh start” give your ride a custom paint job.

handgun

Retina-searing color theme aside, the gullwing doors on the Prius are actually pretty cool.

zembra_prius_from_barris_kustom

Sub-category: Security Systems

An oldie but a goodie. In case they aren’t deterred by either the alarm sticker or the fact that the car is worth $80, the padlock will definitely keep the thieves out.

GhettoCarLock

Always remember to add 30 minutes to your commute time to allow for unshackling. (All this for a Volkswagen?)

ghettolockup

Custom-made with genuine metal hinges and made from 100% reclaimed vintage pine. The security chain is a clever add-on: in case you want to see who is knocking but don’t want to open the door all the way.

ghettocardoor

A solution for when your little guy is worried about mini-dirtbags swiping his wheels.

toycarsecurity

Sub-category: Mods

Talk about thinking outside the box.  Why spend extra on AC when you can install your own?

autowithAC

Before you dismiss the outsized and clearly handmade spoiler as a joke, note that the car is an Acura Integra– the all-time favorite target of mod abuse.

ghettospoiler

The cartoon-sized spoiler and exhaust has the strange effect of making the car itself look smaller.

whitespoiler

Supposedly this is a real jet engine. More likely the owner is compensating for a small… stick shift.

oversizemuffler

114 thoughts on “Hot Mess Hall of Fame: The Automobile Edition”

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  15. Hey, I loved the one with the wooden replacement door! It looked crappy, but I guess if it worked it would do you in a pinch. Better than falling out going down the road!

  19. Nice article and informative as well.I loved the one with the wooden replacement door! It looked crappy, but I guess if it worked it would do you in a pinch.

  26. If you believe you will receive whatever you ask in prayer: Mark 11:24

    The story of the Lord shall endure forever: Psalm 105:31

  28. Supposedly this is a real jet engine. More likely the owner is compensating for a small… stick shift.

    in that picture the car is so very nice..

    If you believe you will receive whatever you ask in prayer: Mark 11:24

    The story of the Lord shall endure forever: Psalm 105:35

  53. I cherished the one with the wooden alternative door! It appeared crappy, however I suppose if it worked it will do you in a pinch. Better than falling out happening the road!

  63. Great and excellent article about cars. The shapes of these cars are all very unique and cool. My favorite style is the cool whip. Hoping to get one myself.

  70. People say that your car describe who you are, so I think if you're going to customized it you really have to think of a good design so that the output will look good. And as I look at the photos, some of the cars are cute like the mcdonalds and the hello kitty but there are some that are really over rated just like the car that has an aircon on the back part and the one that looks like a jet engine.

  78. Nice collection. Though I must say my favorite is actually the one with the holes through the car with the chain through it locked with the page lock. That was quite hillarious and I sent the pic to a few friends intitled "safeguarding possessions"

  95. Wow. I absolutely love those cars! But having those cars here in Manila will be burden for me. I’m not able to use its top speed due to severe traffic situation too place everyday in metro manila roads. Good thing I always check the road traffic conditions at http://trap.ph/

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